I hope everyone had a great week and life didn't throw you any lemons!! Well, if life does throw you some lemons just make lemonade! I am happy to report my car mechanic was able to get my car in and get it fixed! I am so grateful a friend of mine let me borrow a vehicle while mine is the shop! So without further ado, let's talk about today's topic, FAITH AND DATING!
I am very happy and content with myself! I just can't seem to stress that enough about myself. I have really grown as a person over the past few months or should say the last year. I do believe the change can only be attributed to one thing! One thing only and that is my increase FAITH in God, Our Heavenly Father! I don't think I would be where I am at emotionally or physically without my growing FAITH and my growing desire to learn more about the Bible. Most of you are wondering what does FAITH, happiness and contentment have to do with one's dating or a relationship for that matter. Well, I did some research on what really makes a relationship or dating successful and you want to know what the number one answer that I found? FAITH and Happiness with one's self!
All the research I read stated the number one reason for successful relationships and dating is being happy, content with yourself and having FAITH. Knowing your FAITH can take you places! Knowing your FAITH is your best support network and guidance in this life! Knowing you are in a good place! Knowing you are not dependent on someone to make you happy! Knowing all your past baggage issues have been dealt with and have been packed away for good! Knowing that no matter what you are a survivor and that you hold the key to your own happiness. Knowing that you know what you want in a partner and will not compromise your standards! Knowing that you are comfortable in your own skin! Most importantly, YOU ARE HAPPY, CONTENTED WITH YOUR LIFE, HAVE STRONG FAITH AND YOU ARE THE ONE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR OWN HAPPINESS!
I think the reason why some people are on dating websites for quite some time is because they are searching for the one person to make them happy! Yep, that's right! They are searching for their happiness instead of working on it own their own! They need someone to make them happy, give them encouragement, give them a purpose. I wonder what would happen if these same people turned to their FAITH for support and encouragement versus searching for Mr. or Mrs. Right. Would they attract the right individual?
I have dated some attractive men but the attraction quickly wore off when they started talking about their baggage, their hurts, past relationships, etc. I felt during these encounters that my happiness for myself was being sucked out! It was like listening to their problems and issues, I was being brought down to their level of unhappiness. You know how the saying goes, "Misery loves company!" I for one don't want to be with that type of company! I know when I questioned them about their FAITH that most of them had a blank look on their face. The look that says what does FAITH have to do it? I think what most people don't realize that God has tremendous power to heal us from all afflictions. Just a thought but maybe if everyone turned to God to heal them from their baggage then maybe just maybe the right relationship will come along!
I know if I didn't have such a strong FAITH and belief in God that I do not think I would be at where I am today! Truth be told, I write in a prayer journal everyday and pour out my heart's desires, troubles, feelings, etc. I always come away after writing in my journal so much better and calmer about my life. It is almost like as I write the answers to my questions or problems suddenly appear. I really feel that I truly receive God's direction for me. I owe my emotional and physical health to the Almighty! I know no matter what is happening in my life, the one constant companion/partner is God.
So in a nutshell, I have decided to let my FAITH guide me in any future relationship! What does that mean? I tell you what it means, instead of doing online dating, I am going to use my FAITH to find my partner!
Ciao,
Spyderrenee
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Crossroads of Reality and Perception of Dating
I hope everyone had a great weekend. My weekend was great! I did a lot of thinking and reflection on dating, love, and most importantly what is really important to me and to achieve it! Anyway, onto today's topic! Reality and Perception of Dating!
What does that actually mean? Well, I was taking a day trip with a friend and we were talking about dating all the ups and downs! I think as we get older and are either divorced, single or widowed there comes a time where we decide it is time to get out in the world and start looking for our next relationship. We set these expectations that the first person we encounter is the right person for us! We have been searching for this person all our life and they fit the bill for our next partner. Well, let me tell what happens when reality of dating and the perception of dating clash with each other!
First, is the emailing phase. We ask the what do you do for a living, how are you, how many kids do you have, what is your favorite football team, do you like sports, what movies do you like, what is your favorite music, etc, etc etc. Second, is the phone calls. You talk on the phone and the conversations are really extensions of what you have been asking in email. You are just confirming their answers. Somewhere down the line you decide to ask that person to meet for coffee. Okay here is the tricky part when reality and perception clash! Third, you do meet and what sounded good in email and on the phone doesn't quite meet up with your expectation. Meeting a person face to face and watching their body language and finally asking those tough questions makes you realize that your perception of dating just clashed with reality! Yep, what looked good on paper doesn't look or sound so good in public!
How so you ask? Well, for starters maybe the person you have been communicating with hasn't really explained their whole marital drama. You start asking some probing questions about why they are single or divorce and you realize this person has some issues with their ex. Or you could be discussing politics. Politics is a hot topic to discuss. The person stated on their profile they were middle of the road but truth be told they are a Democrat and you are a Republican. Now should that stop you from cultivating a relationship? Well, I am of the opinion that somewhere down the road that could cause some problems in the relationship. Or maybe that person starts to reveal much more of themselves and you realize that you are playing therapist to help them with their problem. Their profile stated they were ready and willing to date but in all honestly, there is to many unresolved issues from their past relationships. My favorite is when someone is stating they are ready to date and when it comes down to it, they don't have the time nor do they want to put in any effort. You are the one making the effort, starting to feel something for them when all of sudden they don't have the time for dating. You walk away hurt, confused and wondering why am I dating. Yes, this is when it hits you; your idea or perception of dating just clashed with REALITY! It hurts and you start to question yourself and everyone around you when it comes to the matters of the heart!
Let's think about the last two sentences for a moment! We started dating feeling good about ourselves and went into with the best intentions. We put our best foot forward! Now all of a sudden when reality clashed with our perception of dating, we start to question ourselves. Are we a whole person? Are we happy and content with ourself? Maybe we aren't cut out for dating? Maybe it is us? Maybe we are the one not ready to date? Maybe we need to slow it down and regroup? Maybe we just need to go into therapy ourselves because something isn't right? No! Nope! Nada! Blah ! Blah! Blah!
What it truly is we allowed ourselves to get suckered into their drama, their problems, etc, etc! We allow ourselves to start thinking their is something wrong with us because we resolved our baggage, issues, etc. We are different than most because we are a happy and whole individual! The person we went on a few dates with all the baggage someway managed to control or manipulate us into reevaluating how we feel about ourselves. I think if you go on a date with someone and you have one red flag then you have two options; (1) you can either discuss the red flag with that person, or (2) just simply thank them for the date, tell them you didn't feel a connection and simply walk away. Personally, I have pretty much been using #2 in my dating life. I am not going to start second guessing myself nor think I am in the same boat as these individuals.
I am damn happy and content with my life. No, my life isn't perfect! However, I am not going to change my outlook or philosophy on life to suit someone else. This is who I am! Either take me or leave me just don't try to put your drama in my life. I am not a therapist nor am I your mother, sister, etc. I am an adult woman who is has fully identified what she wants and who the person she wants to be! I have also identified the key components of my next partner and I will not, let me repeat will not compromise those standards. I am a terrific Mom, good daughter and hopefully someday be in a committed relationship with someone who compliments me!
I had stated in my last blog, The Dance, how much I truly love my ex-husband. Nope, I haven't changed my mind about that! I do truly love him. However, I do have to face my perception and reality of our situation. My perception is we get back together, however, I have to face reality that it might not happen. Will I fall apart? No, I won't! You see that is the part of me that I like! I am happy, independent, and strong woman who knows that life goes on even if you are not with the one you love!
Ciao,
Spyderrenee
What does that actually mean? Well, I was taking a day trip with a friend and we were talking about dating all the ups and downs! I think as we get older and are either divorced, single or widowed there comes a time where we decide it is time to get out in the world and start looking for our next relationship. We set these expectations that the first person we encounter is the right person for us! We have been searching for this person all our life and they fit the bill for our next partner. Well, let me tell what happens when reality of dating and the perception of dating clash with each other!
First, is the emailing phase. We ask the what do you do for a living, how are you, how many kids do you have, what is your favorite football team, do you like sports, what movies do you like, what is your favorite music, etc, etc etc. Second, is the phone calls. You talk on the phone and the conversations are really extensions of what you have been asking in email. You are just confirming their answers. Somewhere down the line you decide to ask that person to meet for coffee. Okay here is the tricky part when reality and perception clash! Third, you do meet and what sounded good in email and on the phone doesn't quite meet up with your expectation. Meeting a person face to face and watching their body language and finally asking those tough questions makes you realize that your perception of dating just clashed with reality! Yep, what looked good on paper doesn't look or sound so good in public!
How so you ask? Well, for starters maybe the person you have been communicating with hasn't really explained their whole marital drama. You start asking some probing questions about why they are single or divorce and you realize this person has some issues with their ex. Or you could be discussing politics. Politics is a hot topic to discuss. The person stated on their profile they were middle of the road but truth be told they are a Democrat and you are a Republican. Now should that stop you from cultivating a relationship? Well, I am of the opinion that somewhere down the road that could cause some problems in the relationship. Or maybe that person starts to reveal much more of themselves and you realize that you are playing therapist to help them with their problem. Their profile stated they were ready and willing to date but in all honestly, there is to many unresolved issues from their past relationships. My favorite is when someone is stating they are ready to date and when it comes down to it, they don't have the time nor do they want to put in any effort. You are the one making the effort, starting to feel something for them when all of sudden they don't have the time for dating. You walk away hurt, confused and wondering why am I dating. Yes, this is when it hits you; your idea or perception of dating just clashed with REALITY! It hurts and you start to question yourself and everyone around you when it comes to the matters of the heart!
Let's think about the last two sentences for a moment! We started dating feeling good about ourselves and went into with the best intentions. We put our best foot forward! Now all of a sudden when reality clashed with our perception of dating, we start to question ourselves. Are we a whole person? Are we happy and content with ourself? Maybe we aren't cut out for dating? Maybe it is us? Maybe we are the one not ready to date? Maybe we need to slow it down and regroup? Maybe we just need to go into therapy ourselves because something isn't right? No! Nope! Nada! Blah ! Blah! Blah!
What it truly is we allowed ourselves to get suckered into their drama, their problems, etc, etc! We allow ourselves to start thinking their is something wrong with us because we resolved our baggage, issues, etc. We are different than most because we are a happy and whole individual! The person we went on a few dates with all the baggage someway managed to control or manipulate us into reevaluating how we feel about ourselves. I think if you go on a date with someone and you have one red flag then you have two options; (1) you can either discuss the red flag with that person, or (2) just simply thank them for the date, tell them you didn't feel a connection and simply walk away. Personally, I have pretty much been using #2 in my dating life. I am not going to start second guessing myself nor think I am in the same boat as these individuals.
I am damn happy and content with my life. No, my life isn't perfect! However, I am not going to change my outlook or philosophy on life to suit someone else. This is who I am! Either take me or leave me just don't try to put your drama in my life. I am not a therapist nor am I your mother, sister, etc. I am an adult woman who is has fully identified what she wants and who the person she wants to be! I have also identified the key components of my next partner and I will not, let me repeat will not compromise those standards. I am a terrific Mom, good daughter and hopefully someday be in a committed relationship with someone who compliments me!
I had stated in my last blog, The Dance, how much I truly love my ex-husband. Nope, I haven't changed my mind about that! I do truly love him. However, I do have to face my perception and reality of our situation. My perception is we get back together, however, I have to face reality that it might not happen. Will I fall apart? No, I won't! You see that is the part of me that I like! I am happy, independent, and strong woman who knows that life goes on even if you are not with the one you love!
Ciao,
Spyderrenee
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
The Dance
My heart is really heavy and sad at the moment but it isn't a bad heavy. No, it is more like a reflection of what my life has been about for the past 45 years. The Dance by Garth Brooks really represents my life. Please really listen to this song and I think alot of you will come to realize how true these words are pertaining to decisions of one's life.
I will admit that I have made some whopper of mistakes that go back to when I was 3 years old and trying to run away from home. Yes, my daddy has a picture of me trying to run away from home when I was three. Is there anything about my life that I regret? Well, yes there is! Two things; divorcing my second husband and getting mixed up with a pyscho path of an ex-boyfriend who is sitting in jail. I am not going to go into that story except to say a court case is pending and I don't want to say or do anything that will jeopardize it. However, I am going to talk about my second marriage. I had stated earlier in a blog that I had loved twice. Well, truth be told I lied! What a minute don't get in a huff! Let me explain! I loved my first husband. In fact, I will always love him because you see he gave me two beautiful children that no one else could have given me. I will always be grateful to him for giving me something so precious! I thank my lucky stars that he is the father of my children. So without further ado......let's discuss my second marriage!
I gave something to my second husband that I didn't give to the first. What is it you ask? I gave him my heart of hearts. The love I felt for him and still do hasn't diminished since the divorce. We have been divorced for over a year and all I can say that I tried moving on but no matter what I do or think, I always come back to thinking about him and the undying love I feel. I can honestly say that I know what TRUE LOVE is and that is giving your whole heart, the heart of hearts, to that person. That piece of me that I gave him will never be given to anyone else. I already gave it to him. I think you can love again but not a TRUE TRUE LOVE. I think what happens is people think once they are divorced they think they will find the next Mr. or Mrs. Right, or the grass is greener on the over side, etc. What I am finding out during this so called thing called dating is the grass isn't greener and what was RIGHT can't be replaced. You see I don't think you can replace TRUE LOVE. I think what gets replaced is a poor imitation copy of what you want. You wake up one day and realize that you settled for something that isn't TRUE LOVE.
I look back at our marriage and you know it worked when nobody was messing with it. I really messed up with this marriage. I take full responsibility for its failure. You see I let too many people and my pride stand in the way of this marriage being successful. Yep, we had people always messing with it. We let other people or I should say, I let other people dictate my relationship with him. That was so wrong of me. I didn't fight hard enough for it. I just gave up to the pressure of family and friends. I learned a valuable lesson during this year and that is do not let anyone talk you into doing something that you know is wrong. Do not let them dictate how you are going to live your life. Do not let them take control of your life. I know from this past year that I will no longer live in fear or repercussions if I don't follow someones advice or do what they want me to do. It is my life and I am going to live it the way I want to! Screw everybody else! They need to worry about their own life and stay out of mine!
Why am I failing at dating? You see, I believe you are given one shot at TRUE LOVE. Once you give your whole heart to that person then no one else will ever have it. You won't feel the same about love. Don't get me wrong, I think you can love again but it will be a different kind of love. I think it will be more of a caring friendship type love. Settling for the person you can live with versus the person you can't live without. You know after careful consideration, I really don't want to settle. However, nobody wants to be alone. I don't. At the moment, I just want my true love back. Is it possible? Parts of me wishes it was and give myself hope but I am too much of a realist. Do I deserve another chance at this relationship? I screwed up! I don't deserve another chance to make things right. However, I would give up my PUG for another chance but you know what (had to put in some humor)? It isn't up to me. I wish I could go back in time and take away all of our hurts, etc. However, I can't! The only thing I can do is pray for guidance and strength to help me sort out all of my feelings and maybe, just maybe eventually move on.
I am a different person now when we were married. I am much more open, positive, and a heck alot more communicative. I think I am a better person than what I was a 5 years, 3 years and even a 1 year ago. I have a lot more compassion and put more thought into my actions. I try not to hurt people and try to be encouraging to those less fortunate. However, if he and I didn't divorce I wouldn't be who I am today. I wonder sometimes if this was God's plan. I just wish he could see the changes in me and give me another shot. Don't worry, I am not about to go throw myself at him or in front of a train. No, it isn't about pride! What it is about is giving someone the space to sort through their feelings without any added pressure. Yes, I have told him how I feel about him. I really felt relived when I told him. Now it is up to him to figure it out. Will I wait around the house, cry, sulk, etc? No, life goes on and I will go on with it. No, that doesn't mean I am back out in the dating world. Nope, it means I will keep doing what I have always been doing. Working on my house, spending time with the kids, charity work, attending social events ( I do have quite a few of those), etc.
This was a tough blog to write. I really debated writing it but I had to get these feelings out in the open. Help myself heal, I guess. I don't know. All I know for sure is I want more than anything in the world is for him to be happy. I know what you thinking what about your happiness? Well, I am happy with my life. I have great friends and a family that loves me. I have my charity work and of course the PUG! I just hope that if he does find the right girl that she realizes what a gem she has on her hands! I finally did but I am a day late and a dollar short as the saying goes!
Getting back to the title of the blog, I could have missed the pain but I didn't want to miss THE DANCE!
Ciao,
Spyderrenee
PS-This is a somewhat sad blog but I still have more dating stories to publish! I may not be dating at the moment but I do have archives to share!
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
IS THAT A DEAD CAT ON YOUR HEAD!!!!!!
This blog is dedicated to the men and woman who present themselves under false advertisement on their looks. So let's begin!!
I was set up on a blind date last week. I did not see a photo of this person. I was told he was cute and we would be a good match. Well, this particular person and I had been texting and talking on the phone. His voice seemed nice and he seemed intelligent. I thought why not and meet him for dinner. We sent a text message describing what we would be wearing, etc. I arrived a few minutes early and ordered myself a glass of wine. He arrived 5 minutes late. First pet peeve! I really don't like people who are late. Well, he said he was 5' 10" and average height with brown hair. So far so good! What he failed to tell me is his hair was fake. Yep, he was wearing a really bad toupee! It was so bad it looked like a dead cat was sitting on his head. I couldn't get past looking at his hair. I tried so hard not to laugh but what is a girl to do? Every time he shifted in his seat it seemed like his hair moved as well. I was thinking did Ron Popeil invent the moving toupee? Is this a new toupee with the slogan set it and forget it? It looked like someone had run over a dead cat, removed the guts and sold it as a man's toupee. Really bad! His conversations then proceeded to speak to me about work situations injecting my name in the conversation. Pet peeve #2. Don't put my name in your work situations. How annoying! He then starts to touch my arm to make a point. Pet peeve #3. Don't touch me especially since I keep moving away from you! Anyway, within 15 minutes of him showing up, I was sending SOS on facebook for any of my friends to call and get me out of this date. I left my date within an hour of meeting him. He sends me a text message asking me out again! The answer is a big HELL NO!
So truth to be told, I pretty much describe myself as average body, blonde hair, hazel eyes, etc. I am by no means a beauty queen but I am not ugly! I do think of myself quite cute and sexy! I am not going to post photos of myself when I was 18 and skinny. Nope, I have had two kids and I have the curves to prove it. I am proud of those curves! Why would I want to present myself any other way! Personally, I think there should be a law against false advertising on dating websites. Come on, let's be real here! If you are going to try and find a relationship on a dating website shouldn't the first thing you be honest about is your looks! Why hid the wrinkles! It just means you are seasoned and well aged like a great Filet Mignon!
Personally, I feel at my age any man or woman who distort, hide, lie, photo shop, etc their photograph are really not worth your time. What else are they hiding? What part of their lives are they trying to deceive you if they can't be honest about their looks!
I think it was Dr. Laura who said, " Beauty fades but dumb is forever!"
Ciao,
Spyderrenee
I was set up on a blind date last week. I did not see a photo of this person. I was told he was cute and we would be a good match. Well, this particular person and I had been texting and talking on the phone. His voice seemed nice and he seemed intelligent. I thought why not and meet him for dinner. We sent a text message describing what we would be wearing, etc. I arrived a few minutes early and ordered myself a glass of wine. He arrived 5 minutes late. First pet peeve! I really don't like people who are late. Well, he said he was 5' 10" and average height with brown hair. So far so good! What he failed to tell me is his hair was fake. Yep, he was wearing a really bad toupee! It was so bad it looked like a dead cat was sitting on his head. I couldn't get past looking at his hair. I tried so hard not to laugh but what is a girl to do? Every time he shifted in his seat it seemed like his hair moved as well. I was thinking did Ron Popeil invent the moving toupee? Is this a new toupee with the slogan set it and forget it? It looked like someone had run over a dead cat, removed the guts and sold it as a man's toupee. Really bad! His conversations then proceeded to speak to me about work situations injecting my name in the conversation. Pet peeve #2. Don't put my name in your work situations. How annoying! He then starts to touch my arm to make a point. Pet peeve #3. Don't touch me especially since I keep moving away from you! Anyway, within 15 minutes of him showing up, I was sending SOS on facebook for any of my friends to call and get me out of this date. I left my date within an hour of meeting him. He sends me a text message asking me out again! The answer is a big HELL NO!
So truth to be told, I pretty much describe myself as average body, blonde hair, hazel eyes, etc. I am by no means a beauty queen but I am not ugly! I do think of myself quite cute and sexy! I am not going to post photos of myself when I was 18 and skinny. Nope, I have had two kids and I have the curves to prove it. I am proud of those curves! Why would I want to present myself any other way! Personally, I think there should be a law against false advertising on dating websites. Come on, let's be real here! If you are going to try and find a relationship on a dating website shouldn't the first thing you be honest about is your looks! Why hid the wrinkles! It just means you are seasoned and well aged like a great Filet Mignon!
Personally, I feel at my age any man or woman who distort, hide, lie, photo shop, etc their photograph are really not worth your time. What else are they hiding? What part of their lives are they trying to deceive you if they can't be honest about their looks!
I think it was Dr. Laura who said, " Beauty fades but dumb is forever!"
Ciao,
Spyderrenee
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Only The Lonely..........
Well, I was talking to a few co-workers today and we started discussing 80's songs. It got me thinking there was some really great depressing love songs. One song that came to mind was The Motels "Only The Lonely". I watched the video today and thought to myself this song depicts me to a T!
I am alone and do think about my past relationships. I am always constantly wandering what did I do wrong in that relationship. I sent a message to a previous applicant (yes, I am going to start calling them applicants. My next blog will be about applying for my job opening) asking specifically what did I do wrong that would make him want to stop calling, texting or even dating me. The response I got was the standard "It isn't you but me and I am not ready for a relationship, blah blah blah!" The next guy after him I asked the same thing. His response was I was not meeting his emotional needs! Pu-leaze! Come on! Not meeting your emotional needs? What am I suppose to do wipe your nose and make you feel better? I am not your MOMMA or WET NURSE! So I went down the line and kept asking the same question over and over. Most were the same response but the common element from all of them was you are such a great terrific woman that you deserve somebody better than me! WHAT A CROCK OF CRAP!!!!!! Where are my hip waders when I need them.
It boils down to this: The real reason why the men stopped dating me is because I am independent, strong willed, passionate about politics, children's rights, helping the less fortunate, don't need a man to come to my rescue, can make a decision, career oriented, responsibilty and most of all too damn SEXY for any of them. As my darling children told me over Christmas break, "Mom, you are MILF!"
Well, am I lonely? Nope! I have great friends and a loving family that supports me in all of my endeavors, well I should say most of them! I have plenty of things to occupy my time such as remodeling my house, reading, knitting, volunteering, etc. Read the next statement carefully:
I DON'T NEED A MAN TO TAKE CARE OF OR FULFILL ME! I WANT A MAN TO COMPLIMENT ME!
Big difference, don't you think! How many men and women out there are looking for someone to take care of them? I think the majority and I also think that is why the divorce rate is so high. We settle for who can take care of business instead of settling for the one that compliments.
Well, this is my last post for the week until the weekend! Need to get the house ready for the man that will always love me forever; my darling son!
Chow or as someone corrected me CIAO!
Spyderrenee
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Romeo and Juliet
Today as I was out running errands, I was thinking what is true love? Does anyone know what true love is? Is there a definition out there that everyone uses to figure out if they are really in this "true love" stage. Truth be told, I don't think so. I think we all have been lovized by what Hollywood creates in movies, fairy tales, and romance novels. Is Romeo and Juliet the definition of True Love. Killing yourself because you can't have the love of your life! I don't think so! So let's move on to my definition of love and how the word love has been used in my dating life.
My definition of love used to be Prince Charming would come up on his white horse and sweep me off my feet! He would tell me that I was the most beautiful woman and he couldn't bear to live without me and he couldn't eat or sleep unless I married him. Ah! What a great definition of love! Or I should say more like a stupid fantasy created by some false advertising that I seen on TV or read in some book!
My current definition of love goes like this:
1. Must have a job
2. Take out the garbage
3. Scrape the snow and ice off my car
4. Hold me when I am feeling down or have a bad day at work
5. Give me a hug and kiss every morning
6. Still want to be with me when I look my worst
7. Can breathe and move off the couch to get his own food and drink
8. Likes to spend time with me
9. Can look me in the eye and say "There is no other!"
10. As much as I want to hear someone say I LOVE YOU, I want to hear I NEED YOU AND WANT YOU!
I was just recently told by one of the Matt's that I am too cautious or reserved. His comment is based that I am not telling him how I feel. Truth to be told, I don't know how I feel or maybe I am just to scared to feel in fear of getting hurt. Or maybe the two times that I was truly in love was all that I am allowed in this life time. I don't know. I hope that isn't the case. I like being in love. I like having the butterflies in the stomach and the sparkle/glow showing on your face. I think you have a tendency to see things or the world with a different set of eyes when you are in love. I am so hesitant to take that first step. The fear of being rejected and cast aside always seems to be in my mind or swirling around in my head.
Well, Matt #2 is out of the picture. He turned out to be nothing more than a player. One of my rules was no players. It took a couple of dates but I eventually figured out what he wanted and quite honestly I knew on the first date what he wanted. I wanted to play this out and see who could play who! Well, I got some flowers, my curtain rods hung up, and a few meals. What did he get???? Well, let's just say not what he wanted! Maybe that is why he stopped calling or texting?? Hmmm! I look at this way: I am worth the wait and if any man thinks he is going to try the goods before a commitment, he can think again and move on to the next woman who suffers from low self esteem. This chic is keeping to her standards and will not compromise for nobody!
Looking forward to this weekend! No, I don't have any dates! I get to spend time with the only man that I know truly loves me; my son!
Chow,
Spyderrenee
My definition of love used to be Prince Charming would come up on his white horse and sweep me off my feet! He would tell me that I was the most beautiful woman and he couldn't bear to live without me and he couldn't eat or sleep unless I married him. Ah! What a great definition of love! Or I should say more like a stupid fantasy created by some false advertising that I seen on TV or read in some book!
My current definition of love goes like this:
1. Must have a job
2. Take out the garbage
3. Scrape the snow and ice off my car
4. Hold me when I am feeling down or have a bad day at work
5. Give me a hug and kiss every morning
6. Still want to be with me when I look my worst
7. Can breathe and move off the couch to get his own food and drink
8. Likes to spend time with me
9. Can look me in the eye and say "There is no other!"
10. As much as I want to hear someone say I LOVE YOU, I want to hear I NEED YOU AND WANT YOU!
I was just recently told by one of the Matt's that I am too cautious or reserved. His comment is based that I am not telling him how I feel. Truth to be told, I don't know how I feel or maybe I am just to scared to feel in fear of getting hurt. Or maybe the two times that I was truly in love was all that I am allowed in this life time. I don't know. I hope that isn't the case. I like being in love. I like having the butterflies in the stomach and the sparkle/glow showing on your face. I think you have a tendency to see things or the world with a different set of eyes when you are in love. I am so hesitant to take that first step. The fear of being rejected and cast aside always seems to be in my mind or swirling around in my head.
Well, Matt #2 is out of the picture. He turned out to be nothing more than a player. One of my rules was no players. It took a couple of dates but I eventually figured out what he wanted and quite honestly I knew on the first date what he wanted. I wanted to play this out and see who could play who! Well, I got some flowers, my curtain rods hung up, and a few meals. What did he get???? Well, let's just say not what he wanted! Maybe that is why he stopped calling or texting?? Hmmm! I look at this way: I am worth the wait and if any man thinks he is going to try the goods before a commitment, he can think again and move on to the next woman who suffers from low self esteem. This chic is keeping to her standards and will not compromise for nobody!
Looking forward to this weekend! No, I don't have any dates! I get to spend time with the only man that I know truly loves me; my son!
Chow,
Spyderrenee
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Well, I am almost over you!
Well, I hope everyone had a fantastic Valentine Day! I know I did! I was a bit leery doing a Valentine dinner as a second date but hey, what the hell! It is a meal isn't it. Two people breaking bread! My date even bought me flowers! I was really shocked at that one! After all, it was only the second date! He took me to a fairly expensive restaurant so I have to give him extra points for that especially since it wasn't a chain restaurant like Texas Roadhouse! The mood and atmosphere was really romantic! I can't remember the last time I actually had a romantic dinner! Enough said! I will keep you posted if this guy will be the lucky one to capture my heart!
The caption of the is blog is "Well, I am almost over you!". Sheena Easton sings this song and when I was trying to put my thoughts down about what I wanted to write about, it just came to my mind! Here is the story: My #2 EX called me Sunday to invite me to his housewarming party. Anyway, he stated some mutual work friends would be attending and he thought it would be incredibly rude if he didn't invite me. Huh? Rude? Hello? What did he think I would find out about the party and get upset? Anyway, I thought about it for a couple of hours and sent him a text message stating I was declining. Why was I declining? Truth be told, I still have some very strong feelings for him. I even told him that in my text message. I guess I shouldn't have said anything but you know I am so tired of pretending. Isn't that what we all do is pretend our feelings. I am tired of telling myself I don't care, I don't want him back in my life and most importantly that I don't love him. Anyway, a few seconds after I sent the message he called me. We spoke a few moments about the text message and then he invited me out to dinner. The smart thing would have been to decline but dammit I do miss talking to him so I went. I have to admit I did have a great time talking to him. He took me back to his place to show me his new TV. Which I wonder why take me to your house to show off your new TV. We watched a little TV and then I decided I needed him to take me home. I got really uncomfortable just being in his home. I wanted so much to tell him to wake up and smell and the roses and that we should try again but I just didn't have the courage. In my opinion, I do think my ex wants to give it a try but I think he is struggling as well with his feelings. I guess only time will tell.
When he dropped me at my house, I started to do some hard thinking on why I am so unsuccessful at dating. Deep down it is because I am comparing all the guys that have asked me out to him. That is not fair to them or fair to me. I decided that my date for Valentine's Day would get my full attention and I would not start doing the comparison between him and my ex. I purposely blocked any thoughts of my ex out of head. I am glad I did because the minute I started looking at my date with open eyes and a open mind things began to get clearer to me. I was able to look at him and see that he is a good guy and that he does meet my partner criteria. So, does this mean I am going to give him or I should say "US" a shot! The jury is still out on that question! Oh, he has some quirks that are bit annoying but I am sure that I have some quirks that annoy him. I will say this much for him, he is very considerate and thoughtful. He and I had a discussion about the ex and he is fully aware of my feelings. His response after the conversation was "I am willing to wait while you sort it out because I know you are an exceptional woman and your ex is the stupidest man alive." How can you not give someone a chance after speaking those words to you!
Update: The valentine date guy did not work out! He was just a player!
I hope everyone has a good weekend. I know one thing I will not be doing and that is attending a housewarming party.
Ciao,
Spyderrenee
The caption of the is blog is "Well, I am almost over you!". Sheena Easton sings this song and when I was trying to put my thoughts down about what I wanted to write about, it just came to my mind! Here is the story: My #2 EX called me Sunday to invite me to his housewarming party. Anyway, he stated some mutual work friends would be attending and he thought it would be incredibly rude if he didn't invite me. Huh? Rude? Hello? What did he think I would find out about the party and get upset? Anyway, I thought about it for a couple of hours and sent him a text message stating I was declining. Why was I declining? Truth be told, I still have some very strong feelings for him. I even told him that in my text message. I guess I shouldn't have said anything but you know I am so tired of pretending. Isn't that what we all do is pretend our feelings. I am tired of telling myself I don't care, I don't want him back in my life and most importantly that I don't love him. Anyway, a few seconds after I sent the message he called me. We spoke a few moments about the text message and then he invited me out to dinner. The smart thing would have been to decline but dammit I do miss talking to him so I went. I have to admit I did have a great time talking to him. He took me back to his place to show me his new TV. Which I wonder why take me to your house to show off your new TV. We watched a little TV and then I decided I needed him to take me home. I got really uncomfortable just being in his home. I wanted so much to tell him to wake up and smell and the roses and that we should try again but I just didn't have the courage. In my opinion, I do think my ex wants to give it a try but I think he is struggling as well with his feelings. I guess only time will tell.
When he dropped me at my house, I started to do some hard thinking on why I am so unsuccessful at dating. Deep down it is because I am comparing all the guys that have asked me out to him. That is not fair to them or fair to me. I decided that my date for Valentine's Day would get my full attention and I would not start doing the comparison between him and my ex. I purposely blocked any thoughts of my ex out of head. I am glad I did because the minute I started looking at my date with open eyes and a open mind things began to get clearer to me. I was able to look at him and see that he is a good guy and that he does meet my partner criteria. So, does this mean I am going to give him or I should say "US" a shot! The jury is still out on that question! Oh, he has some quirks that are bit annoying but I am sure that I have some quirks that annoy him. I will say this much for him, he is very considerate and thoughtful. He and I had a discussion about the ex and he is fully aware of my feelings. His response after the conversation was "I am willing to wait while you sort it out because I know you are an exceptional woman and your ex is the stupidest man alive." How can you not give someone a chance after speaking those words to you!
Update: The valentine date guy did not work out! He was just a player!
I hope everyone has a good weekend. I know one thing I will not be doing and that is attending a housewarming party.
Ciao,
Spyderrenee
Thursday, February 10, 2011
FEAST or FAMINE!
Why is it all of a sudden everyone wants to date you? It seemed for the past couple of weeks I wasn't getting any takers on any of the multiple dating websites I belong to. I was on Match.com, Eharmony, Chemistry and my favorite Plenty of Fish. Just this past week all of a sudden my email notifications were going off every five seconds! Well, not really but I was getting about three or four emails a day from various men. Some of them were way younger and I immediately blocked them from contacting and then some were as old as my father. That is gross! However, I have been in contact with three different men. Three different personalities and most definitely three different email styles. So let's talk about how men initiate contact.
Let's talk about Matt (and no that isn't his real name). Matt is on POF (Plenty of Fish). He read my requirements and sent me an email telling me that his profile was accurate and asked me if mine was a bunch of crap or was I really being honest. Well, of course I responded back and stated, "Yes, my profile picture and requirements are indeed true!". We emailed back and forth several times asking each other questions about our families, jobs, etc. Finally Matt asked if he could call me. I gave him my cell phone number and within minutes I received a text asking me to confirm the number. I most certainly did and received another message thanking me. Did he call? Nope, he started to text me. What is up with that? Don't ask for my number then start texting me questions. Just send me emails. Texting is not the place to ask me what I would do if I won 5 million dollars playing the lottery. Come on guys, if you ask for a phone number then dial it.
The second guy on POF (let's call him Matt also because his real name is the same name as the first guy) sends me an email telling me how pretty I am and stated he like my profile. We email back and forth and do the same ritual of asking the same questions. Eventually, Matt #2 asks me for my phone number. I responded with my number. Did he call? Nope! He sends me a text asking to confirm the number. Again, I responded that yes this was my number. Matt #2 proceeds to start texting me and asking me more time consuming typing questions. I finally told Matt#2 that asking me long drawn out questions and expecting me to text long drawn answers was like fingernails being runned down a blackboard. Very painful! Eventually, Matt #2 calls me and apologizes. Anyway, we chit chat for a few minutes and then we hit the awkward silence. We didn't speak for a good minute when I decided to say, did I lose you, are you still there? Matt #2 responds and starts to stammer when he spits out would I like to meet him for coffee. Mind you, Matt #2 is 48 years old and by his photo is not a bad looking guy. I politely told him yes, I would meet for coffee. We are suppose to meet for coffee tomorrow so I will keep everyone posted as to how it goes!
The third gentlemen and let's call him Sam sends me an email and asks how are you? Okay, let's be real here. How are you as your opening line? How are you is like asking would you like fries with that. Of course, I am not fine. I am single! I want to find a partner to share my life with. Do I respond with that. Nope, I just politely state that I am fine and wishing for Spring to get here! Sam then sends me an email back asking what I like to do for fun. That is a stupid question because everything I like to do for fun is listed in my profile. Does Sam not know how to read? If Sam was really interested in me he would have asked me what is like to scuba dive with Sharks or which Die Hard movie is your favorite. Why do men persist in asking the same stupid question of what do you like to do for fun!
Yes, dating is extremely difficult and making that first initial contact is even harder. However, as older mature adults we need to ask more substantial questions when starting that contact. So listed below are some questions that I wish someone would ask me when they first contact me:
1. You stated in your profile that you have two great kids. How did you manage to raise your great kids with all of the peer pressures kids are subjected to in school?
2. Your profile is quite unique. Why do you feel the need to state such requirements?
3. I like your profile. What is favorite part of the day and why?
4. I love your smile. It looks like you are up to something. Have you ever done anything wild and crazy?
5. Can we just cut through the chase. Can I just have your phone number so I can call you so we can chat instead of doing this email thing?
6. Your profile is just what I have been searching for in a woman. You seem like a great person. What is your favorite vacation spot and why?
7. Do you think Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus?
I feel like I am in high school when I get messages asking me how are you, I think you are pretty, etc. I am not 16. I am 45, educated, smart and yes, pretty sexy when I want to be and quite frankly that is every day. No, I can't change the way men contact me but I can change the way I respond. So, the next email I get asking stupid questions, I am going to respond in the following:
Question: How are you?
Answer: Well, I have a bunion on my foot and it really hurts. My dog just crapped all over the carpet and my car just got repossessed other than that, I am doing really great! How about yourself!
Question: What is your favorite color?
Answer: Well, I don't have a favorite color because I am color blind.
Question: What is your favorite thing to do for fun?
Answer: Go to Wal-Mart and shoplift.
Ah, yes! I just love dating and all of its little qirks! Will I ever meet an intelligent man who is just as confident as I am? Maybe what I need to do is purchase a pair of Dorothy shoes from the Wizard of Oz and click the heels three times and say "Someday Mr Right will come!"
Well, for the record I have hidden my profile on Match and POF. Why you ask? Because the same idiots on Match are on POF and contact me! I am crossing my fingers that Eharmony or Chemistry might give me better luck! At least on those two sites they give you starter questions and email suggestions.
It is going to be a busy weekend for me! I have my date on Friday with Matt #2 and yes, I am going to meet Matt #1 on Saturday. Sunday I am going to a Euchre tournament at a local Harley Bike Club called the Dinosores. They are raising funds for sick needy kids. Who knows maybe I will meet someone at the Charity event!
Chow,
Spyderrenee
Let's talk about Matt (and no that isn't his real name). Matt is on POF (Plenty of Fish). He read my requirements and sent me an email telling me that his profile was accurate and asked me if mine was a bunch of crap or was I really being honest. Well, of course I responded back and stated, "Yes, my profile picture and requirements are indeed true!". We emailed back and forth several times asking each other questions about our families, jobs, etc. Finally Matt asked if he could call me. I gave him my cell phone number and within minutes I received a text asking me to confirm the number. I most certainly did and received another message thanking me. Did he call? Nope, he started to text me. What is up with that? Don't ask for my number then start texting me questions. Just send me emails. Texting is not the place to ask me what I would do if I won 5 million dollars playing the lottery. Come on guys, if you ask for a phone number then dial it.
The second guy on POF (let's call him Matt also because his real name is the same name as the first guy) sends me an email telling me how pretty I am and stated he like my profile. We email back and forth and do the same ritual of asking the same questions. Eventually, Matt #2 asks me for my phone number. I responded with my number. Did he call? Nope! He sends me a text asking to confirm the number. Again, I responded that yes this was my number. Matt #2 proceeds to start texting me and asking me more time consuming typing questions. I finally told Matt#2 that asking me long drawn out questions and expecting me to text long drawn answers was like fingernails being runned down a blackboard. Very painful! Eventually, Matt #2 calls me and apologizes. Anyway, we chit chat for a few minutes and then we hit the awkward silence. We didn't speak for a good minute when I decided to say, did I lose you, are you still there? Matt #2 responds and starts to stammer when he spits out would I like to meet him for coffee. Mind you, Matt #2 is 48 years old and by his photo is not a bad looking guy. I politely told him yes, I would meet for coffee. We are suppose to meet for coffee tomorrow so I will keep everyone posted as to how it goes!
The third gentlemen and let's call him Sam sends me an email and asks how are you? Okay, let's be real here. How are you as your opening line? How are you is like asking would you like fries with that. Of course, I am not fine. I am single! I want to find a partner to share my life with. Do I respond with that. Nope, I just politely state that I am fine and wishing for Spring to get here! Sam then sends me an email back asking what I like to do for fun. That is a stupid question because everything I like to do for fun is listed in my profile. Does Sam not know how to read? If Sam was really interested in me he would have asked me what is like to scuba dive with Sharks or which Die Hard movie is your favorite. Why do men persist in asking the same stupid question of what do you like to do for fun!
Yes, dating is extremely difficult and making that first initial contact is even harder. However, as older mature adults we need to ask more substantial questions when starting that contact. So listed below are some questions that I wish someone would ask me when they first contact me:
1. You stated in your profile that you have two great kids. How did you manage to raise your great kids with all of the peer pressures kids are subjected to in school?
2. Your profile is quite unique. Why do you feel the need to state such requirements?
3. I like your profile. What is favorite part of the day and why?
4. I love your smile. It looks like you are up to something. Have you ever done anything wild and crazy?
5. Can we just cut through the chase. Can I just have your phone number so I can call you so we can chat instead of doing this email thing?
6. Your profile is just what I have been searching for in a woman. You seem like a great person. What is your favorite vacation spot and why?
7. Do you think Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus?
I feel like I am in high school when I get messages asking me how are you, I think you are pretty, etc. I am not 16. I am 45, educated, smart and yes, pretty sexy when I want to be and quite frankly that is every day. No, I can't change the way men contact me but I can change the way I respond. So, the next email I get asking stupid questions, I am going to respond in the following:
Question: How are you?
Answer: Well, I have a bunion on my foot and it really hurts. My dog just crapped all over the carpet and my car just got repossessed other than that, I am doing really great! How about yourself!
Question: What is your favorite color?
Answer: Well, I don't have a favorite color because I am color blind.
Question: What is your favorite thing to do for fun?
Answer: Go to Wal-Mart and shoplift.
Ah, yes! I just love dating and all of its little qirks! Will I ever meet an intelligent man who is just as confident as I am? Maybe what I need to do is purchase a pair of Dorothy shoes from the Wizard of Oz and click the heels three times and say "Someday Mr Right will come!"
Well, for the record I have hidden my profile on Match and POF. Why you ask? Because the same idiots on Match are on POF and contact me! I am crossing my fingers that Eharmony or Chemistry might give me better luck! At least on those two sites they give you starter questions and email suggestions.
It is going to be a busy weekend for me! I have my date on Friday with Matt #2 and yes, I am going to meet Matt #1 on Saturday. Sunday I am going to a Euchre tournament at a local Harley Bike Club called the Dinosores. They are raising funds for sick needy kids. Who knows maybe I will meet someone at the Charity event!
Chow,
Spyderrenee
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Headliners and Profiles!
Let's get to the nitty gritty on today's topic: HEADLINES and PROFILES on personal dating ads!
Here are a few examples:
Open-minded, curious and wordly...Let's explore!!!
I feel like I should have #2 pencil. Ready. Get set. GO!
Looking for my co-driver in life!
Nice guy looking for fun and companionship. and see where it goes :) (this is my ex-husband headline)
Still hopeful!
AFFLICTED WITH BEING COMPLETELY NORMAL
We can make stars shine!
Of course, these men have their photos besides their headlines. Do these headlines make you want to say ooh, I need to wink, send a message, send a hug, or kiss because they are so articulate? I hope not because these are the most stupidest lines I have ever seen.
Online dating websites do serve a purpose! I am still trying to figure out what purpose that is! Is it to find a new partner, window browse or see how many people you sucker into believing you are the best thing since slice bread. Yes, I use dating sites just like all the rest of the hundreds of hundreds million singles worldwide but in reality how many people actually do end up in committed relationship. I think if the truth was to be told, NOT TO MANY! How truthful are we with ourselves describing what we are looking for and who we are and using cheesy pick up lines .
I got tired of getting tons of losers and yes, I mean losers contacting me on POF (Plenty of Fish). I decided to rewrite my profile and spell out exactly what I was looking for in a partner. Here is my profile:
I am a divorced mom of two great kids who are grown and out on their own! I have a great job that I enjoy going to everyday. I love outdoor activities such as camping, fishing, motorcycle riding, canoeing, boating, scuba diving, etc. I am a terrific cook who can whip a gourmet meal in minutes or take mac 'n cheese from a box and make it the best thing you have ever tasted! I believe in God and give thanks everyday for all the wonderful things he has blessed me with! Faith is very important to me! I am basically the girl next door who is looking for her prince that shares the same values and understands what a committed relationship means. So please read the following carefully before you attempt to contact me:
1. Please make sure you are divorced, widowed or single before you contact me. I will not date anyone who is separated or married. Yes, there are guys on this site who say they are not married but really are.
2. If you are looking for a one night stand; please don't bother! It won't happen.
3. You must have a job! Yes, that is right a job. I don't care if the job is working at McDonald's, at least it is a job!
4. Please have an accurate photo of yourself. I have met some men on this site and quite frankly, none of you looked like your photo.
5. Please be at least 5' 10" tall. I would request you double check your height measurements. If I meet you and you are not that tall then you are lying! If you are lying about your height then what else are you lying about!
6. The same goes for the weight/build! Be honest. If you say you are average and your not then what else are you lying about.
7. I don't like to play games with peoples feelings and I would ask that you don't play with mine! Do not send me an e-mail if you are not ready to date. Nothing worse than meeting someone and you like them then all of a sudden they stop calling and you find out that they weren't ready to date because they just got out of a relationship.
8. You don't have to dress like a model from GQ but you can wear clothes that are not wrinkled, stained or dirty.
Now, I know my commentary is going to upset some of the men out there! I don't want to waste my time or yours if you don't fit the above criteria. I realize women can be just as bad but I think I am pretty truthful in my description of myself. My photo was taken in October 2010 so I haven't changed much. I am a what you see what you get kind of girl.
So if I haven't made you mad by reading the above, please feel free to contact me!
So that was my profile and guess what it wasn't successful. Why, because I spoke the truth. Men and women just can't seem to handle the truth or state what they really want in a relationship. In reality, what I asked for is what everyone wants but are to afraid to say it. What happens is they read the fluff and stuff and decide ooh, that person sounds like fun and has no drama, etc. They hook up and go out on a date or two and then realize that isn't the person from their profile but some made up fictionalized Ken or Barbie.
I did have a few men send me scathing emails about my profile and how dare I put my requirements out there and that I must be a closet lesbian. Sorry! I am not a lesbian! I know what I want and I am not afraid to ask for it nor will I settle for anything less. My point to this blog is you really need to ask hard questions and read between the lines if you truly want a partner. Fluff and stuff is just that! Fluff Fluff Fluff!
BTW-My Headliner is this "Looking for Companionship!" Isn't that what we all are searching for?
Chow!
Spyderrrenee
Here are a few examples:
Open-minded, curious and wordly...Let's explore!!!
I feel like I should have #2 pencil. Ready. Get set. GO!
Looking for my co-driver in life!
Nice guy looking for fun and companionship. and see where it goes :) (this is my ex-husband headline)
Still hopeful!
AFFLICTED WITH BEING COMPLETELY NORMAL
We can make stars shine!
Of course, these men have their photos besides their headlines. Do these headlines make you want to say ooh, I need to wink, send a message, send a hug, or kiss because they are so articulate? I hope not because these are the most stupidest lines I have ever seen.
Online dating websites do serve a purpose! I am still trying to figure out what purpose that is! Is it to find a new partner, window browse or see how many people you sucker into believing you are the best thing since slice bread. Yes, I use dating sites just like all the rest of the hundreds of hundreds million singles worldwide but in reality how many people actually do end up in committed relationship. I think if the truth was to be told, NOT TO MANY! How truthful are we with ourselves describing what we are looking for and who we are and using cheesy pick up lines .
I got tired of getting tons of losers and yes, I mean losers contacting me on POF (Plenty of Fish). I decided to rewrite my profile and spell out exactly what I was looking for in a partner. Here is my profile:
I am a divorced mom of two great kids who are grown and out on their own! I have a great job that I enjoy going to everyday. I love outdoor activities such as camping, fishing, motorcycle riding, canoeing, boating, scuba diving, etc. I am a terrific cook who can whip a gourmet meal in minutes or take mac 'n cheese from a box and make it the best thing you have ever tasted! I believe in God and give thanks everyday for all the wonderful things he has blessed me with! Faith is very important to me! I am basically the girl next door who is looking for her prince that shares the same values and understands what a committed relationship means. So please read the following carefully before you attempt to contact me:
1. Please make sure you are divorced, widowed or single before you contact me. I will not date anyone who is separated or married. Yes, there are guys on this site who say they are not married but really are.
2. If you are looking for a one night stand; please don't bother! It won't happen.
3. You must have a job! Yes, that is right a job. I don't care if the job is working at McDonald's, at least it is a job!
4. Please have an accurate photo of yourself. I have met some men on this site and quite frankly, none of you looked like your photo.
5. Please be at least 5' 10" tall. I would request you double check your height measurements. If I meet you and you are not that tall then you are lying! If you are lying about your height then what else are you lying about!
6. The same goes for the weight/build! Be honest. If you say you are average and your not then what else are you lying about.
7. I don't like to play games with peoples feelings and I would ask that you don't play with mine! Do not send me an e-mail if you are not ready to date. Nothing worse than meeting someone and you like them then all of a sudden they stop calling and you find out that they weren't ready to date because they just got out of a relationship.
8. You don't have to dress like a model from GQ but you can wear clothes that are not wrinkled, stained or dirty.
Now, I know my commentary is going to upset some of the men out there! I don't want to waste my time or yours if you don't fit the above criteria. I realize women can be just as bad but I think I am pretty truthful in my description of myself. My photo was taken in October 2010 so I haven't changed much. I am a what you see what you get kind of girl.
So if I haven't made you mad by reading the above, please feel free to contact me!
So that was my profile and guess what it wasn't successful. Why, because I spoke the truth. Men and women just can't seem to handle the truth or state what they really want in a relationship. In reality, what I asked for is what everyone wants but are to afraid to say it. What happens is they read the fluff and stuff and decide ooh, that person sounds like fun and has no drama, etc. They hook up and go out on a date or two and then realize that isn't the person from their profile but some made up fictionalized Ken or Barbie.
I did have a few men send me scathing emails about my profile and how dare I put my requirements out there and that I must be a closet lesbian. Sorry! I am not a lesbian! I know what I want and I am not afraid to ask for it nor will I settle for anything less. My point to this blog is you really need to ask hard questions and read between the lines if you truly want a partner. Fluff and stuff is just that! Fluff Fluff Fluff!
BTW-My Headliner is this "Looking for Companionship!" Isn't that what we all are searching for?
Chow!
Spyderrrenee
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Desparado!
I was jotting down some notes on future blogs and thinking of some of the men that I dated last year. Quite frankly, after jotting their names down and remembering the dates, I realized that I lowered my standards. I had become a desperate dater. What is a desperate dater? It is someone who can't stand to be alone and will date anyone and/or anything just to say, "I am dating!". Well, needless to say if I can break the habit of being a desperate dater then anyone can break the habit.
So let's discuss in further detail what drove me to become a desperate dater! Well, after my divorce the missing someone sleeping in my bed, having someone to talk to that isn't four legged, getting text messages about what do you want to do for dinner tonight and lastly just having someone to snuggle up to even if he wasn't the snuggling type. I wasn't one to go to bars to meet men. I decided to try Eharmony and Match. I got hits on both sites but nothing that caused me to say this is the one! Nope, it was more just to feel good about myself and to hear someone say, "You look really nice" or "You are really pretty!". There is something about hearing compliments that really does a world of good in helping your self-esteem especially when you look in the mirror everyday and the only thing being reflected back is something that looks really miserable!
One of the guys I dated from Eharmony was really cute until he smiled and talked. His teeth were gray and crooked and every time he spoke he spit. I kept looking at his teeth and I know I sorta cocked my head funny trying to figure out how two front teeth could be behind each other. Hello! You need to get some braces and some special teeth whitening gel! His spitting was another big issue. I believe the spitting was because of the crooked teeth. I only had one slice of pizza because when he spoke he spit on the pizza. How gross! Needless to say no connection!
Well, I am happy to report that today I am very happy with myself and how I look! I have adopted the attitude that if you don't like what you see then keep on moving on down the line. You are obviously a shallow person and don't really want to get to know the real me.
Chow,
Spyderrenee
So let's discuss in further detail what drove me to become a desperate dater! Well, after my divorce the missing someone sleeping in my bed, having someone to talk to that isn't four legged, getting text messages about what do you want to do for dinner tonight and lastly just having someone to snuggle up to even if he wasn't the snuggling type. I wasn't one to go to bars to meet men. I decided to try Eharmony and Match. I got hits on both sites but nothing that caused me to say this is the one! Nope, it was more just to feel good about myself and to hear someone say, "You look really nice" or "You are really pretty!". There is something about hearing compliments that really does a world of good in helping your self-esteem especially when you look in the mirror everyday and the only thing being reflected back is something that looks really miserable!
One of the guys I dated from Eharmony was really cute until he smiled and talked. His teeth were gray and crooked and every time he spoke he spit. I kept looking at his teeth and I know I sorta cocked my head funny trying to figure out how two front teeth could be behind each other. Hello! You need to get some braces and some special teeth whitening gel! His spitting was another big issue. I believe the spitting was because of the crooked teeth. I only had one slice of pizza because when he spoke he spit on the pizza. How gross! Needless to say no connection!
Well, I am happy to report that today I am very happy with myself and how I look! I have adopted the attitude that if you don't like what you see then keep on moving on down the line. You are obviously a shallow person and don't really want to get to know the real me.
Chow,
Spyderrenee
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Would you like to check your baggage at the gate!
When you are dating in your teens and 20's you don't necessarily have baggage. What is baggage? No, it isn't a suitcase full of clothes. Baggage is what you get when you leave a relationship with unresolved, hurt feelings, wondering why you broke up in the first place! Baggage just doesn't go away overnight. Nope, it takes time to think and understand what went wrong in the relationship in the first place and how to avoid making the same mistakes again. Do I have baggage? Well, to be truthful-YES! However, my baggage is tucked away up in the attic because I have resolved all the why's, how's, what's, etc. I am ready for a relationship but I will not settle for the first Tom, Dick or Harry that comes along. I want my final and yes, I mean final partner to get to know the real me as much I want to get to know them.
So, let's talk about the few men I have dated with baggage.
I recently went on date with someone that I have been corresponding and talking to on the phone via Eharmony's lovely match up system. Personally, I think Eharmony's matching system is a real joke. Anyway, talk, text, and email we decide to meet. Let's call this guy Jim. We met at in Mahomet at a restaurant called JT Walkers. Great place! Jim looked exactly liked his photo. A+ so far so good. We decide to go upstairs to eat and during the course of picking out our food selection, he starts to mention his ex-wife. Now mind you he had mention her a few times before in email but nothing really bad. Well, all of sudden he let's loose and proceeds to tell me that she had an affair and got pregnant by the other guy 15 years her junior. He didn't love her but I could tell he was really angry. Angry that he put her through school, angry that he helped raised her kids, angry that she ran up the credit cards, angry, angry, angry. Halfway through through the meal, I couldn't take it anymore and asked him how long he had been divorce. He informs me 2 years. Hmmmm. 2 years and you still haven't resolved the issues????? I then explained to him that he was not ready to date and he needed to see a therapist. He was taken aback by my statement and looked at me and then stated " I wonder if that is the reason why I can't get second dates?" Duh! I told him he was a nice guy and that I would go out with him again but he has to work on resolving his baggage. No relationship will grow if you are constantly taking your baggage with you. He appreciated the advice and told me that I was the first person to mention about his angry issues with his ex-wife. He sent me a text on Monday and stated that he had a four conversation with his mother and that he had solved his problems. NOPE! I don't think so! Baggage takes time to resolve! It doesn't go away with the snap of your fingers.
Lesson Learned: Don't waste time trying to fix someone's anger issues. You are not a therapist or their mother! Ask questions before you meet them like "Do you still harbor anger issues towards your EX? Or did your EX get pregnant by another man?"
Another gentleman that I met on another dating site seemed to have everything under control! He was pleasant to talk to on the phone, his text messages were flirty and he told me he had been divorced for three years. We decide to meet for coffee at a local place near my office. We really hit it off so well that we decided to have dinner. We shared a plate of fajitas and basically had some great conversation. He asked for another date and I said yes! I thought there was no mention of the ex wife in any negative ways, etc that maybe just maybe this might have some possibilities. Well, I decided to go out on a limb and have him over for dinner. Dinner was great at my house. He was the perfect gentleman! Well, long story short, we had a few dates and the last time he was over at my house he stated I'll call you later. Great wonderful! We are really hitting it off. Did he call? Nope! So Monday rolls around and I think he is going to call on Monday. Nope. Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, nothing! Not even a text message saying I don't want to date you. So yes, I decided to send him a message via Facebook (yes, I broke my rule about befriending people to quickly on facebook). He responds to me stating I am a runner. I am not ready for a relationship. It seems he just got out of a relationship a few weeks before that he had been in for quite some time. Again, we adults break up and think we need to get back on the dating scene ASAP! I also found out later that he had been stalking his ex-girlfriend driving by her house.
Lesson Learn: How long have you been alone and when was your last relationship? Did you break up amicably or are you still stalking your ex in hopes of getting back with them.
Baggage is not something that is easily gotten rid of overnight. Men & Women, please don't start dating until you are actually ready for a relationship. Dating somebody shouldn't be the cure for loneliness. You have to learn to live alone and develop your own interests before you can start another relationship. Rushing into a relationship without understanding who you are, what you want from a partner and most importantly love yourself will do more harm not only to you but to the person who are dating.
Well, this single girl is ready to date, baggage is up in the attic, and most importantly I truly do love who I am and someday hope to find the right man that will love me for me!
Chow!
Spyderrenee
So, let's talk about the few men I have dated with baggage.
I recently went on date with someone that I have been corresponding and talking to on the phone via Eharmony's lovely match up system. Personally, I think Eharmony's matching system is a real joke. Anyway, talk, text, and email we decide to meet. Let's call this guy Jim. We met at in Mahomet at a restaurant called JT Walkers. Great place! Jim looked exactly liked his photo. A+ so far so good. We decide to go upstairs to eat and during the course of picking out our food selection, he starts to mention his ex-wife. Now mind you he had mention her a few times before in email but nothing really bad. Well, all of sudden he let's loose and proceeds to tell me that she had an affair and got pregnant by the other guy 15 years her junior. He didn't love her but I could tell he was really angry. Angry that he put her through school, angry that he helped raised her kids, angry that she ran up the credit cards, angry, angry, angry. Halfway through through the meal, I couldn't take it anymore and asked him how long he had been divorce. He informs me 2 years. Hmmmm. 2 years and you still haven't resolved the issues????? I then explained to him that he was not ready to date and he needed to see a therapist. He was taken aback by my statement and looked at me and then stated " I wonder if that is the reason why I can't get second dates?" Duh! I told him he was a nice guy and that I would go out with him again but he has to work on resolving his baggage. No relationship will grow if you are constantly taking your baggage with you. He appreciated the advice and told me that I was the first person to mention about his angry issues with his ex-wife. He sent me a text on Monday and stated that he had a four conversation with his mother and that he had solved his problems. NOPE! I don't think so! Baggage takes time to resolve! It doesn't go away with the snap of your fingers.
Lesson Learned: Don't waste time trying to fix someone's anger issues. You are not a therapist or their mother! Ask questions before you meet them like "Do you still harbor anger issues towards your EX? Or did your EX get pregnant by another man?"
Another gentleman that I met on another dating site seemed to have everything under control! He was pleasant to talk to on the phone, his text messages were flirty and he told me he had been divorced for three years. We decide to meet for coffee at a local place near my office. We really hit it off so well that we decided to have dinner. We shared a plate of fajitas and basically had some great conversation. He asked for another date and I said yes! I thought there was no mention of the ex wife in any negative ways, etc that maybe just maybe this might have some possibilities. Well, I decided to go out on a limb and have him over for dinner. Dinner was great at my house. He was the perfect gentleman! Well, long story short, we had a few dates and the last time he was over at my house he stated I'll call you later. Great wonderful! We are really hitting it off. Did he call? Nope! So Monday rolls around and I think he is going to call on Monday. Nope. Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, nothing! Not even a text message saying I don't want to date you. So yes, I decided to send him a message via Facebook (yes, I broke my rule about befriending people to quickly on facebook). He responds to me stating I am a runner. I am not ready for a relationship. It seems he just got out of a relationship a few weeks before that he had been in for quite some time. Again, we adults break up and think we need to get back on the dating scene ASAP! I also found out later that he had been stalking his ex-girlfriend driving by her house.
Lesson Learn: How long have you been alone and when was your last relationship? Did you break up amicably or are you still stalking your ex in hopes of getting back with them.
Baggage is not something that is easily gotten rid of overnight. Men & Women, please don't start dating until you are actually ready for a relationship. Dating somebody shouldn't be the cure for loneliness. You have to learn to live alone and develop your own interests before you can start another relationship. Rushing into a relationship without understanding who you are, what you want from a partner and most importantly love yourself will do more harm not only to you but to the person who are dating.
Well, this single girl is ready to date, baggage is up in the attic, and most importantly I truly do love who I am and someday hope to find the right man that will love me for me!
Chow!
Spyderrenee
Monday, January 31, 2011
Welcome to the wonderful world of dating!
This blog is dedicated to the men and women who are dating and struggling to find that perfect match. I am going to recap the good, the bad and even the ugly on my dating experience. I hope everyone will find some humor and hopefully some good advice on the do's and don't of dating! I look forward to any and all comments! So, let the dating blog begin!
I am 45 years old and have been married twice. I am not going to go into the detail as to why both marriages broke up. They did break up so what happened in the past is in the past. I have resolved and taken responsibility of the failures of both marriages. Yes, I did do therapy and I strongly encourage everyone to see some type of counseling whether it is with a group or an individual! Enough said!
Okay, I decided to write this blog after realizing that all I seem to attract is the wrong guy or the right guy with too much baggage. You would think at my age (45) that I would be able to discern the good, the bad and the ugly. Nope! Not me! I am a sucker for every sob story, etc. So let's recap some of my previous dates ( I am changing the names not to protect them but to protect me!):
Last year, I met a great guy. Let's call him Sam. Sam had a job, was cute, wanted to spend time with me etc. I thought he could possibly be the one. Well, Sam failed to tell me that he just got out of a relationship and was served an Order of Protection. Mind you, I didn't think to ask the question "Do you stalk your ex?" on the first date. He broke up with me via a facebook message. It really irritated me via the facebook message. It seemed so juvenile. I mean come on, we are both adults. Couldn't you have least had the guts to call me on the phone???? Nope not him! He then turned around and unfriend me on facebook.
Lesson Learned:: Do not let any potential date befriend you on facebook. You will know it is over when they unfriend you plus they will just use facebook to break up with you.
The second guy I went out with was a real dud! So let's give him the name Dudley! Dudley and I met on a dating website. Well, Dudley lied about his height, weight and employment. Oops, I forgot to mention that his photo showed he had hair. We talked on the phone and decided we wanted to meet. We picked a local place and he had sent me a text message that he was waiting for me in the bar. Well, I went to the bar and did not see him. I thought maybe he went to the bathroom so I sent a text. The next thing I know a bald, short, overweight man is walking to me. I thought to myself. PLEASE, DON'T LET THIS BE HIM! Well, you can imagine it was. I was completely taken aback by the discrepancy between reality and his photo. I did mention something to him about his photo not looking like him and he stated something like it was 10 years old. Okay, I thought you can't judge a book by the cover so I decided to have a drink. Well, he proceeded to tell me that he had 5 year old son by a woman who was a one night stand. CHECK PLEASE! I left really quickly and have yet to go back since!
Lesson Learned: Ask if the photo is current. Or at least do a photo share on Yahoo. Men/Women please do yourself a favor and use a current photo of yourself. If you can't be truthful about height, weight, etc then what else are lying about?
Well, this is my first posting. I will have more to come. Who knows maybe they will turn this blog into a book or even a movie. I know exactly what we can call it! Everyone knows the movie "Sex in the City" well how about calling my movie "Dud in the City".
Chow!
Spyderrenee!
I am 45 years old and have been married twice. I am not going to go into the detail as to why both marriages broke up. They did break up so what happened in the past is in the past. I have resolved and taken responsibility of the failures of both marriages. Yes, I did do therapy and I strongly encourage everyone to see some type of counseling whether it is with a group or an individual! Enough said!
Okay, I decided to write this blog after realizing that all I seem to attract is the wrong guy or the right guy with too much baggage. You would think at my age (45) that I would be able to discern the good, the bad and the ugly. Nope! Not me! I am a sucker for every sob story, etc. So let's recap some of my previous dates ( I am changing the names not to protect them but to protect me!):
Last year, I met a great guy. Let's call him Sam. Sam had a job, was cute, wanted to spend time with me etc. I thought he could possibly be the one. Well, Sam failed to tell me that he just got out of a relationship and was served an Order of Protection. Mind you, I didn't think to ask the question "Do you stalk your ex?" on the first date. He broke up with me via a facebook message. It really irritated me via the facebook message. It seemed so juvenile. I mean come on, we are both adults. Couldn't you have least had the guts to call me on the phone???? Nope not him! He then turned around and unfriend me on facebook.
Lesson Learned:: Do not let any potential date befriend you on facebook. You will know it is over when they unfriend you plus they will just use facebook to break up with you.
The second guy I went out with was a real dud! So let's give him the name Dudley! Dudley and I met on a dating website. Well, Dudley lied about his height, weight and employment. Oops, I forgot to mention that his photo showed he had hair. We talked on the phone and decided we wanted to meet. We picked a local place and he had sent me a text message that he was waiting for me in the bar. Well, I went to the bar and did not see him. I thought maybe he went to the bathroom so I sent a text. The next thing I know a bald, short, overweight man is walking to me. I thought to myself. PLEASE, DON'T LET THIS BE HIM! Well, you can imagine it was. I was completely taken aback by the discrepancy between reality and his photo. I did mention something to him about his photo not looking like him and he stated something like it was 10 years old. Okay, I thought you can't judge a book by the cover so I decided to have a drink. Well, he proceeded to tell me that he had 5 year old son by a woman who was a one night stand. CHECK PLEASE! I left really quickly and have yet to go back since!
Lesson Learned: Ask if the photo is current. Or at least do a photo share on Yahoo. Men/Women please do yourself a favor and use a current photo of yourself. If you can't be truthful about height, weight, etc then what else are lying about?
Well, this is my first posting. I will have more to come. Who knows maybe they will turn this blog into a book or even a movie. I know exactly what we can call it! Everyone knows the movie "Sex in the City" well how about calling my movie "Dud in the City".
Chow!
Spyderrenee!
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